There is No Reasoning With Love

Terrified, she was.
excruciating pain like she’d never known
Emanating from her center
reverberating through bones weary and muscles tense
rising to her skin, prickly hot.

She struggled against it.

Be calm, he said.
Your fighting will prolong
your agony, extended.
Might just kill
you and the life you carry.

No color
save the polished white
of walls and floors
and grey chrome finish
of his tray and tools.

She closed her eyes
and conjured the face of a lover.
Make this end, she pleaded.
His worried face signaled his impotence.
He could do nothing more
than hold her hand.

Focusing on his hand in hers
she wondered.
What sin had they committed
that warranted these spasms of agony
spanned by relieved moments of exhaustion.

Or was this sin her own?
Had she been lifted to some scaffold
her breath stolen by a noose.
Was the taste of love sweet turning
to a poison that would seize her gut.
Were the cords they’d tied now being cut
a guillotine tearing her from within?

Drawing herself deeper into dreaming
lifting her spirit into adrenaline-induced imagination
she found herself at the feet of God.

She pleaded for mercy.

Not wanting to seem selfish,
she begged that He ease suffering everywhere
“There is such pain on earth! Surely,
Your loving kindness would wish
would order
the messengers of pain
to run, scatter, disappear.
Not just for me,
but for all your creatures
and for the baby born this hour
my child, Lord, and Yours.”

Lifting her eyes in a prayer for healing
she caught his glance
and was fixed on it
on the surprise of it
on the ridiculous, horrifying surprise of it.

No furrowed forehead,
no hint of mercy
no gesture of concern.

God laughed.

Panicked, she dove from heaven down
through imagination and deep
she dug through her dream to the surface
where her lover still stood next to her.

“We must tell them all!” she whispered, fearing
God might still be watching.
A gentle squeeze of his hand
signaled that her lover heard, yet didn’t
feel compelled to relay her message.

I told Him of the pain here!
I pleaded for relief!
And He,
the Healer, and
Deliverer of peace,
laughed so loudly that it deafened me.

There was no worry in His eyes,
no promise to deliver us.
Instead, God laughed!

Her panic, dread
spilled out past her words – she saw it touch the nurse’s cheek.
The doctor’s eyes announced his smile behind his mask.
Nurse, doctor,
and lover, too,
all smiled, some chuckled.
No one comprehended
the significance of her revelation.
They were focused on the little girl
Whose fragile frame
arrived with one last push.

Anguish and defeat
fled the scene.

She held her baby
and God’s laughter was forgotten.

With the wisdom of a loving heart,
she taught her daughter
compassion.
With the gentleness a giving spirit,
her instructions for tolerance
were delicately engraved.
She set aside her memory
of a callous and uncaring lord
attending the birth of her baby girl.
Instead, she directed her baby’s attention
to a merciful shepherd
who loves his baby lambs.

As she grew, the child learned from others
Knit together language and meaning
Built sandcastles of cause and effect
And assembled jigsaw puzzles
of choice and consequence.

Her most difficult lesson
was in understanding her place
within the universe.

She was not at its center.

She struggled with this knowledge
as does every other being with
compassion, tolerance, acceptance
of her orbital place.

She sought the center
the origin
the light

With each cycle through the seasons
sunrises revealed bright hopes
and painful truths.
Sunsets put to rest dusty fears
and unrealistic ambitions.

Each time she rounded the ellipse
of her life
to return and revisit
and reexamine her purpose
she enjoyed a more focused view
of the source of answers
the creator of truths.

Until today
she finds a dream-like vision
that bothers and perplexes her.

Pulled from the center of life
taking her right place in orbit around it
having relinquished control of her path
And releasing her grip on responsibility for others

Her reward – a truth revealed to her
that the light around which she has travelled
for two score and seven years
had been laughing
all along.