Seeking

A mutual friend
suggested
that You and I
need to talk.

Chicken Burrito and a Diet Coke
with a latin tango

This seems like the best place
for me to share my heart
without coating it
with anger.

Four couples share lunch.
Two to my left have just met.
Those across the room have been together for years.

This ought to be the perfect place
for me to finally wait
be quiet
listen
for You to speak.

The two to my right struggle
to find a common language - a blend of english and korean.

My friend reminded me to ask
perhaps You haven't heard my questions.
Perhaps I wrapped them up to tightly in my fists.
I may have never even offered them to You.

The two by the door aren't sharing words or space.

So
I'm attempting
to release my grip
on the questions
so that I can hear
Your answers.

Lunch is served.

So...
perhaps You and I
are much the same
as these couples sharing lunch with me.

Once upon a time I felt You
like the young girl to my right
feels the presence
the energy and warmth
of her new found friend.

You
and Your unconditional love
were exciting and so full of hope
I smiled at the thought of You
just like she does
and I yearned so much
for Your closeness
that I pushed my chair next to Yours.

And then there were times
when I couldn't understand
Your words and ways
and most especially
the unconditional love bit.
When it came to meeting You
at the table
I felt like a foreigner
not like all the rest who celebrated Your presence
flaunted it, if you ask me
and used it to build walls that excluded my friends.

How was I to deal with that?

I wasn't sure if we were speaking the same language.
Your face - in the faces of your followers
was unlike my own.

I must have gotten too tired to care.
Perhaps it took to much energy,
or perhaps the habit
of our distance
of my dis-similarity
to those who piously, reverently,
with knees bent, prayer shawls, beads,
self-denial in a decorative frame of self-celebrating hypocracy.
Perhaps I just got used to that
and began to share our meals
together, surely
two separate in an empty room
at a bare table.
And so,
eventually
we became the couple by the door.

Quickly, grab a bite to eat.
"How's the weather?"
"...and your day?"

I stopped listening for Your answers.
Did you still keep hearing my questions?

My friend is right.
We need to talk.
I need You to speak to me.
Have patience
while I learn to listen again.